when we were ourselves (part iii)
Dec. 26th, 2010 05:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
minimuses“So what was it like?” Joe asked quietly, voice thick and groggy with sleep. He’d just woken up from a nap he hadn’t intended to take, he and Nick slumping farther and farther down against each other in Joe’s bed as they surfed the web for as much information on canine diabetes as possible, until the next thing Joe knew, he was drowsily opening his eyes and two hours had disappeared. Now they were reading an article on testing dogs’ blood sugar, Joe’s chin propped on Nick’s shoulder and Nick leaning into him comfortably.
Nick thought about it for a few moments. “It was...I dunno. It was weird. I was still me, I still...knew the things I know now, mostly. Only I wasn’t me, too. There was all this stuff happening that didn’t feel like me, thoughts I would have that I didn’t expect at all. And it was like...I could only really focus on one thing at a time, kind of. But it’s not like it felt strange at the time. I just felt like me, even though I knew I was...different. Than I had been.” He shook his head, looking frustrated with the limitations of his words. “I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. Everything felt more intense. Seems like...colors were different. Smells were strange, everything was loud and muffled at the same time...yeah, I dunno,” he trailed off lamely, laughing a little and scratching absently at the back of his head. Joe nodded as well as he could with his chin still hooked over Nick’s shoulder, puffing out a breath that made Nick cringe up and huff a half-laugh, tickled by the sensation on his neck. Joe grinned.
“As long as you still liked me as a puppy, that’s the most important thing,” he said breezily. “Did you know I was Joe, or was it more that you knew I was friendly?”
“No no, I knew you,” Nick confirmed. “I knew you were Joe, that you were...” He frowned, blushed a little. “Well, yeah, friendly. Safe.”
Joe’s smile was uncontainable. “Could you understand me when I talked? I asked you, and you didn’t do what I told you to, but that could’ve just been you being stubborn. You are not magically less stubborn as a puppy, by the way. I feel you should know that.”
Nick looked at Joe with an expression like he had no idea how he could possibly be related to him. Joe only smiled broader, and Nick pursed his mouth. “No, I didn’t understand a word you were saying. You sounded like you were mumbling. With your head in a bucket.” He paused a second, suddenly thoughtful. “Oh, except my name. I could hear my name, or, or understand it, whichever. I tried to let you know that I knew you were talking to me and that it was me.”
Joe nodded. “I got it, eventually,” he said quietly, mouth quirking up in a crooked shy smile. “Mostly, anyway. I kind of thought I was possibly going nuts at the time, and I was really worried about you because I thought you were missing, but I did notice when you talked back.” He slid a hand up Nick’s back, burying his fingers in the warm hair at the nape of his neck, tugging there gently. “Thanks, Nicky. For telling me.”
Nick’s face softened a little bit. “I’m sorry you were worried, Joe,” he replied, leaning unconsciously into Joe’s touch, making Joe smile. “I was pretty scared, too. But...your voice helped. I felt calmer when you talked to me. It was something I could focus on. So. Thanks for talking to me. And for taking care of me.”
“Pfft,” Joe blew it off exaggeratedly, though secretly he was very pleased; thrilled, even. “Like I was gonna leave a cute little fluffy puppy all alone. I’ve never left you before, even though you are not quite as fluffy or little as you were last night.” He batted his eyes at Nick, pouting a little. Nick just looked at him blandly, and Joe beamed. “Still just as cute, though,” he added, kissing Nick on the forehead before he could duck away.
“Ugh, Joe,” he grumbled, but, as usual, didn’t seem as bothered as he might have liked to have been. It wasn’t much incentive for Joe to stop smiling or leaning a little more into his brother, smugly usurping his personal space. Nick just sighed in a put-upon manner and pointed at the screen of his laptop. “Here, look, it says you have to test my sugar on my lip or my ear.”
“Um, ow?”
“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking, too. Maybe my ear, of those two, wouldn’t be so bad, unless I have really small or delicate ears or something?” He frowned a little. “What kind of dog am I, anyway?”
“Oh!” Joe said, a little startled. “Oh, shit, I forgot. Here, I took a picture.” He twisted and shifted in the bed, practically laying on Nick in order to wrestle his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans. Thumbing through his photo album, he pulled up the first of several pictures he’d taken of the little puppy after he’d gotten him to eat and feel a little better. The puppy...Nick was looking up into the camera; Joe remembered his tail had been wagging, too, underneath the corner of the blanket he’d been tangled in. He grinned big just to see the picture of his furry face. “See? Told you you were unbearably cute.”
Nick cupped his hand around Joe’s, leaning in and tipping the phone towards himself. He blinked. “Oh my god, I’m a poodle,” he said, sounding righteously offended.
“No, you aren’t,” Joe said, squinting at the picture. “...okay, from that angle, you kinda look like one. Here.” He flipped to another, Nick’s soft, floppy ears and longer muzzle easier to see. “You look more like a little cocker spaniel to me.” He leaned in, scrolling to the next photo. “Awww, looook, Nicky!” he said, smiling big and showing Nick the video he’d taken of him as he was violently scratching himself, hind leg going a hundred miles an hour, right before he scratched himself right off-balance and went sprawling.
Nick dropped his face into his hand. “Fantastic. I’m even less coordinated than Elvis.”
“You’re adorable.” Joe watched the video again.
“Why couldn’t I be a manly dog?” Nick opined, flopping back against his pillows and going back to surfing vet websites in a sulky manner. “Doberman Pinscher. Rottweiler. Hell, I’d have taken a lab or another retriever. I should probably be wearing a collar and a tag that reads ‘Pumpkin’ or something like that.”
Joe’s eyes widened and he looked at Nick with manic delight he didn’t really have to feign. Nick’s expression turned very quickly homicidal.
“Don’t even think about it,” he growled, and Joe knew he was just imagining things, but he thought the growl sounded a bit familiar.
“Can we get you a collar, though? For real? I’m getting you a collar. We should go get you dog things! A puppy bed and some toys and treats an--”
“Joe! Focus! I turned into a puppy last night. That is not really part of my normal routine.” He shoved his hands in his hair, groaning quietly and slumping forward. “This would be so much easier to fix if I was just doing drugs or having a mental breakdown or something.”
“Nick, shut up,” Joe said, sharper than he’d intended to, edge of raw nerves audible in his tone. He hated that. But he just couldn’t find it trivial enough to laugh about. “Don’t even joke about that. This is not a disaster, and it would not be better for you to go to rehab, and you know it. This is just...weird, that’s all. Different. Not...not bad.”
Nick waved an incredulous hand. “Seriously? I spent like ten hours or something as a dog and this is okay?”
“Sure,” Joe told him evenly, determined to keep his cool in the face of Nick’s demonstrations. “You’re okay, aren’t you? You aren’t hurt? You’re feeling better? We can learn how to handle you changing into a puppy, Nick, if it even happens again. And seriously. Of all the bad things that can happen to a person in Hollywood...a little were-spaniel action is hardly the worst.”
Nick looked at him disbelievingly. “Were...spaniel.”
Joe’s smile bloomed on his face. “You heard me. C’mon, Nicky, admit it. It’s kind of cool. The fact that you turned into a dog.”
“Compared to...a root canal. An interview with Tiger Beat. A sugar crash. Oh wait.”
“Niiiiick,” Joe said, hauling his brother into a hug, pressing his face to the curve of Nick’s neck whether he liked it or not. (He did. He just wouldn’t admit it.) “I told you I’d take care of you. We’ll figure it out. And like I said, you might not turn into a dog again at all.”
Nick sighed heavily and sad, and Joe just hugged him tighter. Nick gave up, leaning his forehead against Joe’s shoulder, a hand curling in his shirt at the waist. “Or I might every night from now on. This isn’t just something that I can ignore if it keeps happening, Joe. Ridiculous as this conversation is to even be having.”
“So don’t ignore it,” Joe offered, rubbing Nick’s back. “Have fun with it instead!” he added, grinning, and Nick shoved him backwards, Joe laughing as he toppled over.
“You are hell bent on enjoying this at my expense, aren’t you,” Nick groused, lips twitching at the corners. Joe nodded emphatically.
“You can’t beat me, Nicky. You may as well join me.” He grinned a shit-eating grin at his little brother. “Face it. You turned into a puppy, that is awesome and incredibly fun. You’re like an X-Man. Only furrier.” He reached out and shoved playfully at Nick. “I think it’s awesome, anyway, and whose opinion do you really need besides mine?”
Nick shook his head, clicking his laptop shut and pushing it aside. “No one’s,” he replied, but not like he was just humoring his brother. He said it like he meant it. “Do you really think it’ll happen again?”
“I don’t see why it wouldn’t,” Joe replied, watching Nick get up from the bed to put his laptop back on his desk. He frowned suddenly as he saw a nasty-looking bruise on the back of Nick’s ankle; he hadn’t noticed it before. “Nick, what is that?”
“What is...oh, that?” Nick craned his head back to see his foot. “Ugh, the other day when I was walking Elvis, this little puppy ran out from the house next door and bit me in the heel. Hurt like hell. I think it’s finally healing, though.”
Joe just sat and stared at Nick, wide-eyed, waiting for the penny to drop. Nick stared back and then finally asked, annoyed, “What?”
“Nick!” Joe gestured frantically. “You are actually a were-puppy!”
“What?”
“Bitten by a dog? Then you turn into a dog? Hello?”
“Joe...that’s insane.”
“Nick. You turned into a puppy. Define ‘insane.’”
Nick was silent, opening his mouth and then closing it again.
“A-ha!” Joe cried, untangling his legs from the blanket and scrambling out of bed. He bent down and grabbed hold of Nick’s foot, hoisting it up to get a better look at the discolored bite. Only years of practicing stage acrobatics and having Joe grabbing his legs to propel him into flips let Nick shift his weight quickly, grabbing hold of his desk chair.
“Warn a guy, Joseph, before you--”
“Most definitely a were-puppy bite,” Joe said sagely, poking at the poorly-healing broken skin and making Nick hiss. It was dangerous for Nick to get cuts and injuries on his extremities, anyway, and Joe could tell Nick hadn’t properly cleaned or bandaged this from the start, which kind of made him want to shake his little brother silly. “Why didn’t you put Neosporin on this, Nicholas, it looks like gangrene, is what it looks like.”
“And you’re an expert?” Nick asked snippily, pulling his foot free and batting Joe away. “On either subject?” he added.
“World’s foremost!” Joe said, grinning, but he sobered as Nick rolled his eyes and moved around the room stripping out of his clothes - somewhat careful of his pump, now, more aware of it than usual - and grabbing his bathrobe from the back of the door. “Nick,” he said, quieter, and waited til he had his brother’s attention. “I seriously think there might be something about that dog bite. And I think it’s pretty likely that it’ll happen again tonight. We should be ready, and paying attention, just in case.”
Nick nodded, looking intently at the terrycloth robe in his hand, as if it might hold some answers. It was not obliging, if it did. “You’ll stay with me?” he asked, voice barely audible. Joe frowned sadly, sorry that Nick even felt he had to ask.
“Of course I will,” he said, soft but firm. “I’m not about to miss you going all were-puppy mutant superhero again!”
Nick sighed, but apparently he just didn’t have another argument left in him. “You’re still not putting a collar on me, Joseph.”
part iv
Nick thought about it for a few moments. “It was...I dunno. It was weird. I was still me, I still...knew the things I know now, mostly. Only I wasn’t me, too. There was all this stuff happening that didn’t feel like me, thoughts I would have that I didn’t expect at all. And it was like...I could only really focus on one thing at a time, kind of. But it’s not like it felt strange at the time. I just felt like me, even though I knew I was...different. Than I had been.” He shook his head, looking frustrated with the limitations of his words. “I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. Everything felt more intense. Seems like...colors were different. Smells were strange, everything was loud and muffled at the same time...yeah, I dunno,” he trailed off lamely, laughing a little and scratching absently at the back of his head. Joe nodded as well as he could with his chin still hooked over Nick’s shoulder, puffing out a breath that made Nick cringe up and huff a half-laugh, tickled by the sensation on his neck. Joe grinned.
“As long as you still liked me as a puppy, that’s the most important thing,” he said breezily. “Did you know I was Joe, or was it more that you knew I was friendly?”
“No no, I knew you,” Nick confirmed. “I knew you were Joe, that you were...” He frowned, blushed a little. “Well, yeah, friendly. Safe.”
Joe’s smile was uncontainable. “Could you understand me when I talked? I asked you, and you didn’t do what I told you to, but that could’ve just been you being stubborn. You are not magically less stubborn as a puppy, by the way. I feel you should know that.”
Nick looked at Joe with an expression like he had no idea how he could possibly be related to him. Joe only smiled broader, and Nick pursed his mouth. “No, I didn’t understand a word you were saying. You sounded like you were mumbling. With your head in a bucket.” He paused a second, suddenly thoughtful. “Oh, except my name. I could hear my name, or, or understand it, whichever. I tried to let you know that I knew you were talking to me and that it was me.”
Joe nodded. “I got it, eventually,” he said quietly, mouth quirking up in a crooked shy smile. “Mostly, anyway. I kind of thought I was possibly going nuts at the time, and I was really worried about you because I thought you were missing, but I did notice when you talked back.” He slid a hand up Nick’s back, burying his fingers in the warm hair at the nape of his neck, tugging there gently. “Thanks, Nicky. For telling me.”
Nick’s face softened a little bit. “I’m sorry you were worried, Joe,” he replied, leaning unconsciously into Joe’s touch, making Joe smile. “I was pretty scared, too. But...your voice helped. I felt calmer when you talked to me. It was something I could focus on. So. Thanks for talking to me. And for taking care of me.”
“Pfft,” Joe blew it off exaggeratedly, though secretly he was very pleased; thrilled, even. “Like I was gonna leave a cute little fluffy puppy all alone. I’ve never left you before, even though you are not quite as fluffy or little as you were last night.” He batted his eyes at Nick, pouting a little. Nick just looked at him blandly, and Joe beamed. “Still just as cute, though,” he added, kissing Nick on the forehead before he could duck away.
“Ugh, Joe,” he grumbled, but, as usual, didn’t seem as bothered as he might have liked to have been. It wasn’t much incentive for Joe to stop smiling or leaning a little more into his brother, smugly usurping his personal space. Nick just sighed in a put-upon manner and pointed at the screen of his laptop. “Here, look, it says you have to test my sugar on my lip or my ear.”
“Um, ow?”
“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking, too. Maybe my ear, of those two, wouldn’t be so bad, unless I have really small or delicate ears or something?” He frowned a little. “What kind of dog am I, anyway?”
“Oh!” Joe said, a little startled. “Oh, shit, I forgot. Here, I took a picture.” He twisted and shifted in the bed, practically laying on Nick in order to wrestle his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans. Thumbing through his photo album, he pulled up the first of several pictures he’d taken of the little puppy after he’d gotten him to eat and feel a little better. The puppy...Nick was looking up into the camera; Joe remembered his tail had been wagging, too, underneath the corner of the blanket he’d been tangled in. He grinned big just to see the picture of his furry face. “See? Told you you were unbearably cute.”
Nick cupped his hand around Joe’s, leaning in and tipping the phone towards himself. He blinked. “Oh my god, I’m a poodle,” he said, sounding righteously offended.
“No, you aren’t,” Joe said, squinting at the picture. “...okay, from that angle, you kinda look like one. Here.” He flipped to another, Nick’s soft, floppy ears and longer muzzle easier to see. “You look more like a little cocker spaniel to me.” He leaned in, scrolling to the next photo. “Awww, looook, Nicky!” he said, smiling big and showing Nick the video he’d taken of him as he was violently scratching himself, hind leg going a hundred miles an hour, right before he scratched himself right off-balance and went sprawling.
Nick dropped his face into his hand. “Fantastic. I’m even less coordinated than Elvis.”
“You’re adorable.” Joe watched the video again.
“Why couldn’t I be a manly dog?” Nick opined, flopping back against his pillows and going back to surfing vet websites in a sulky manner. “Doberman Pinscher. Rottweiler. Hell, I’d have taken a lab or another retriever. I should probably be wearing a collar and a tag that reads ‘Pumpkin’ or something like that.”
Joe’s eyes widened and he looked at Nick with manic delight he didn’t really have to feign. Nick’s expression turned very quickly homicidal.
“Don’t even think about it,” he growled, and Joe knew he was just imagining things, but he thought the growl sounded a bit familiar.
“Can we get you a collar, though? For real? I’m getting you a collar. We should go get you dog things! A puppy bed and some toys and treats an--”
“Joe! Focus! I turned into a puppy last night. That is not really part of my normal routine.” He shoved his hands in his hair, groaning quietly and slumping forward. “This would be so much easier to fix if I was just doing drugs or having a mental breakdown or something.”
“Nick, shut up,” Joe said, sharper than he’d intended to, edge of raw nerves audible in his tone. He hated that. But he just couldn’t find it trivial enough to laugh about. “Don’t even joke about that. This is not a disaster, and it would not be better for you to go to rehab, and you know it. This is just...weird, that’s all. Different. Not...not bad.”
Nick waved an incredulous hand. “Seriously? I spent like ten hours or something as a dog and this is okay?”
“Sure,” Joe told him evenly, determined to keep his cool in the face of Nick’s demonstrations. “You’re okay, aren’t you? You aren’t hurt? You’re feeling better? We can learn how to handle you changing into a puppy, Nick, if it even happens again. And seriously. Of all the bad things that can happen to a person in Hollywood...a little were-spaniel action is hardly the worst.”
Nick looked at him disbelievingly. “Were...spaniel.”
Joe’s smile bloomed on his face. “You heard me. C’mon, Nicky, admit it. It’s kind of cool. The fact that you turned into a dog.”
“Compared to...a root canal. An interview with Tiger Beat. A sugar crash. Oh wait.”
“Niiiiick,” Joe said, hauling his brother into a hug, pressing his face to the curve of Nick’s neck whether he liked it or not. (He did. He just wouldn’t admit it.) “I told you I’d take care of you. We’ll figure it out. And like I said, you might not turn into a dog again at all.”
Nick sighed heavily and sad, and Joe just hugged him tighter. Nick gave up, leaning his forehead against Joe’s shoulder, a hand curling in his shirt at the waist. “Or I might every night from now on. This isn’t just something that I can ignore if it keeps happening, Joe. Ridiculous as this conversation is to even be having.”
“So don’t ignore it,” Joe offered, rubbing Nick’s back. “Have fun with it instead!” he added, grinning, and Nick shoved him backwards, Joe laughing as he toppled over.
“You are hell bent on enjoying this at my expense, aren’t you,” Nick groused, lips twitching at the corners. Joe nodded emphatically.
“You can’t beat me, Nicky. You may as well join me.” He grinned a shit-eating grin at his little brother. “Face it. You turned into a puppy, that is awesome and incredibly fun. You’re like an X-Man. Only furrier.” He reached out and shoved playfully at Nick. “I think it’s awesome, anyway, and whose opinion do you really need besides mine?”
Nick shook his head, clicking his laptop shut and pushing it aside. “No one’s,” he replied, but not like he was just humoring his brother. He said it like he meant it. “Do you really think it’ll happen again?”
“I don’t see why it wouldn’t,” Joe replied, watching Nick get up from the bed to put his laptop back on his desk. He frowned suddenly as he saw a nasty-looking bruise on the back of Nick’s ankle; he hadn’t noticed it before. “Nick, what is that?”
“What is...oh, that?” Nick craned his head back to see his foot. “Ugh, the other day when I was walking Elvis, this little puppy ran out from the house next door and bit me in the heel. Hurt like hell. I think it’s finally healing, though.”
Joe just sat and stared at Nick, wide-eyed, waiting for the penny to drop. Nick stared back and then finally asked, annoyed, “What?”
“Nick!” Joe gestured frantically. “You are actually a were-puppy!”
“What?”
“Bitten by a dog? Then you turn into a dog? Hello?”
“Joe...that’s insane.”
“Nick. You turned into a puppy. Define ‘insane.’”
Nick was silent, opening his mouth and then closing it again.
“A-ha!” Joe cried, untangling his legs from the blanket and scrambling out of bed. He bent down and grabbed hold of Nick’s foot, hoisting it up to get a better look at the discolored bite. Only years of practicing stage acrobatics and having Joe grabbing his legs to propel him into flips let Nick shift his weight quickly, grabbing hold of his desk chair.
“Warn a guy, Joseph, before you--”
“Most definitely a were-puppy bite,” Joe said sagely, poking at the poorly-healing broken skin and making Nick hiss. It was dangerous for Nick to get cuts and injuries on his extremities, anyway, and Joe could tell Nick hadn’t properly cleaned or bandaged this from the start, which kind of made him want to shake his little brother silly. “Why didn’t you put Neosporin on this, Nicholas, it looks like gangrene, is what it looks like.”
“And you’re an expert?” Nick asked snippily, pulling his foot free and batting Joe away. “On either subject?” he added.
“World’s foremost!” Joe said, grinning, but he sobered as Nick rolled his eyes and moved around the room stripping out of his clothes - somewhat careful of his pump, now, more aware of it than usual - and grabbing his bathrobe from the back of the door. “Nick,” he said, quieter, and waited til he had his brother’s attention. “I seriously think there might be something about that dog bite. And I think it’s pretty likely that it’ll happen again tonight. We should be ready, and paying attention, just in case.”
Nick nodded, looking intently at the terrycloth robe in his hand, as if it might hold some answers. It was not obliging, if it did. “You’ll stay with me?” he asked, voice barely audible. Joe frowned sadly, sorry that Nick even felt he had to ask.
“Of course I will,” he said, soft but firm. “I’m not about to miss you going all were-puppy mutant superhero again!”
Nick sighed, but apparently he just didn’t have another argument left in him. “You’re still not putting a collar on me, Joseph.”
part iv
